We live in a world full of over-commitment. Being passionate about something has become akin to goodness, but for all the dedication and passion, I don’t see a tremendous amount of good being done in the world. We are also constantly exposed to fictional characters who have absolutely no balance in their lives but who are super-smart, or super-strong, or super-whatever, and this has morphed into our desires. We are also exposed to successful people on social media who “rise to the top” because of their extremeness, and in general, you just find that so many people are trying to be extreme so they can stand out, too.
This blog is first and foremost a place for me to express my ideas and feelings. Smart people know not to take this blog too seriously. But many of the things I have to say are in many ways reactions to the extremeness and passion that society kind of forces people into. I want to make a difference in the world. But it’s painful when you pour yourself into something only to realize that doing so wasn’t necessary, or may not have been inspired by pure motives. Or, it’s painful when the leaders of your company question your employment with them because you don’t show enough passion for the work. It’s painful when you really do have passion about something but nobody cares or gives you credit because it isn’t popular or doesn’t match the culture’s definition of “extreme”.
And yet, you see the culture’s values lead people astray all the time. When you start to dissect some of these values, you realize how life can be gamed to avoid the pitfalls people walk into. For me, deconstructing these has become great fun, and challenging them has become a way to focus my life on the things that really matter. It just…doesn’t sit well with a lot of people who see the culture as an authority, or don’t think that escape is possible.
I was dwelling on this a few nights ago. I think the great danger is that I tend to really put my heart into things when I set my mind to them. But it’s always too much. Unplugging from “passion” has been pretty effective in preventing over-dedication and it’s slowly allowing me to breathe again. It’s amazing to me, though, that even when I have put my heart into things, some friends have accused me of not caring enough. It makes you really want to hate people.
Everybody’s got a vision, everybody’s got a passion. Blah, blah, blah. And everybody is imbalanced, too. “Do I claim to have passions because I want people to admire me for my passions, or do I actually have passions?” Sometimes you have to rip yourself away, and a few middle fingers can help with the process. Catharsis. Of course, you’re fighting expectations, not necessarily people, but people do, on rare occasions, get in the way, too.
“You should be passionate about work!” I’m not. Middle fingers. “You should care about social justice!” Been there, done that. Middle fingers. “You should buy a house! You’ll never build wealth without one!” That’s funny. Middle fingers. “You should hike 14ers!” I don’t really care. I prefer valleys and especially mining ruins. One middle finger. I’ll give you a little credit.
Of course, you can only take this so far, and not everything other people value is wrong for you to value too. I believe very strongly in the Bible, so, not everything should receive the middle fingers, just sayin’.
I guess I feel kind of exposed these days. It’s nice to shed off expectations, but the deeper questions involve what my real passions are. I am pretty good at putting my heart into things, so the question is which things are worthy of me putting my heart into.
(I may soon have the opportunity to participate in non-vocational archaeological training, and, well…I’m…pretty excited about that)
This is partly gush, partly, “I’m know I’m not the only person feeling this”. But I’ll leave you with this:
Several days ago, I took a nap after work. I had a brief dream in which I was driving around a small parking lot, but I could barely see out the window, and the brakes were super soft and the car would not stop when I wanted it to. I couldn’t park well and I was nearly running into all the other cars driving around. It was really stressful.
Then, either that night or the next, I had a dream where my dad was letting me test drive a huge new SUV, but whenever I tried to drive it, it auto-piloted itself to the back of the garage and kept me there.
When I’m driving myself, my vision isn’t necessarily clear, nor do I have good control over the car. But when Father let’s you drive a new car that he’s programmed to keep you in the garage until the right time, well, that’s a good situation. It’s good to not follow your whims blindly, but to bring them to God.