I’ve spent a lot more than I planned these past two months. It started with a phone and a refurbished laptop, then continued with a pair of blu-tooth headphones, several television blu-ray sets, and finally ended with some gifts for family and car parts.
Spending large amounts of money usually makes me feel a bit queasy inside. On the one hand, my aversion to pissing my money away has been a blessing, since it allows me to refocus that money in better ways, such as saving and investing. On the other hand, it often feels laced with fear and the faulty, if only subconscious, belief that spending large amounts of money is for fools, which simply isn’t true.
The other day I listened to a few sermons on money, and I encountered one term that really captured my attention: poverty thinking. I’m sure there’s plenty of sociological literature on this subject, but poverty thinking seems to describe false views of victimhood, fragility, defeatism, and unworthiness with respect to money. It is a state of mind at the same time it is a system of thinking and habitual behavior.
I paid $130 for those headphones, and it kind of left me reeling. I’ve been using a pair of $10 Gummy headphones for the past five or so years, so just the reality that I could spend $130 on headphones kind of knocked me back. I don’t even listen to music very much, so I felt this powerful sense of…guilt. It seemed like such an odd thing for me to buy, forget spending a significant amount of money on. Two days in, I seriously considered returning them. But I didn’t. I think for the first time I realized that something didn’t feel right about freaking out over that much money. I seemed too focused thinking about the people who can’t afford that. Sometimes it’s like I’m suffering from some sort of twisted “survivor’s guilt” over not being in the position I was five years ago: jobless, loaded with $28k in student loans. Like buying something frivolous was an insult to the struggles that I remember and that others go through. It was like guilt for not actually having to care about that sum of money.
I think that fits well under the category of “poverty thinking”. In some sense, still feeling mired in the past. Knowing that my circumstances are very different now, but living with the fear of some sort of karmic retribution to be repaid severely in the event of a layoff or major emergency. Tough times. Et cetera.
Of course, just because God has you in one place now doesn’t mean that is the final goal. If you take the verse as referring to more than just Israel, the ever-popular Jeremiah 29:11 reads, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'”. It’s very typical of poverty thinking to believe one’s lot is fixed, that systemic forces, even God, are somehow bent against you. It often views the wealthy as evil and believes that the perfume should have been sold and the money given to the poor.
On the opposite side of poverty thinking, you have the people shouting “carpe diem” from the rooftops, or partying it up YOLO style. These people often have a defeatist attitude toward saving large amounts of money (“you can’t do that!”), or they think that life must suck if you are not blowing hundreds of dollars frequently. “God wants me to be happy!” There’s really nothing to admire there, either.
Is the answer “balance”? No, because “balance” will always be skewed. As I go through life, I appreciate more and more the value of paying more for quality, but it’s absurd to buy everything quality. And at some point, you have to realize that the $5,000 chair is not significantly nicer than the $4,000 chair. I’m exaggerating because I don’t know anybody who actually wants to spend that much on a chair, but I hope it makes my point clear. “Balance” is an amorphous god people invoke when they know you’re being smart with your money ;). I don’t really listen to appeals to balance, I think the core is your mindset. Making a software developer’s salary and feeling guilty for buying a one-off $130 pair of headphones? That is stupid.
I think one of the most significant changes I’ve experienced in regards to money this past year is realizing that being able to buy nice stuff for myself means I’m also able to buy nice stuff for others. If you are always concerned about the expensive stuff you want, you may never get the chance to give anything away. This is also why I believe it’s so important to regulate your appetite for things. An uncontrolled appetite will jack you up no matter how much you do or do not earn.
I’ve also seen poverty thinking in my life through working on my car. When I bought my first car, it had lots of minor problems with it. The costs soared because these little problems had to be diagnosed first, which often cost money, and the shops often sold me on more than I actually needed. I learned how to work on cars through risky trial and error. I remember my savings being wiped out several times, so I resolved in my heart to avoid ever taking my car to a shop if I could help it. This lead me to make stupid decisions with repairs, even when I had the money to pay the professionals. Yes, partly I just enjoy the satisfaction of doing the work myself, but the fear of spending money is very much poverty thinking at work.
Anyway, this post is just to be vulnerable and share some insights. Poverty thinking should have no role in your life! I’m going to have to look deeper into some of my thoughts and attitudes on this.