These are brief, scattered, cynical thoughts, but I wanted to write them out.
I’ve noticed that people who did really well in school are very quick to defend the educational system, and it’s like, “Yeah, of course you enjoyed it – it worked for you”, whereas many other people had very different experiences and consequently have very different opinions. People who bought houses years ago and watched them go up in value are very quick to tell you that buying a house is the best decision you can make, and you’re a fool not to. Brown-nosers in the office are quick to extol the virtues of hard work and the overall business system which they are so keen to embrace. Ask not what your country can do for you…ask what you can do for your country!
And what I’ve learned from this is that the system is always right!
Your company didn’t fail to provide opportunities for your growth…you didn’t grow because you didn’t try hard enough!
School wasn’t poorly structured and full of uninteresting shit, you just failed to appreciate its virtues, you silly goose!
Almost all of Plato’s conclusions were wrong, but it’s important to read him because it’s part of a classical education! (ditto Shakespeare)
Hard work is the answer to everything, so if you aren’t happy in life, it’s because you just didn’t try hard enough!
Being passionate about your work is a virtue; if you aren’t passionate about what you do, how can you possibly be good at it? And if you aren’t good at it, how can you possibly value yourself?
It’s all bullshit, of course. And it’s not that the answer is to intentionally do terribly in school or drop out, or to sit around and blame other people for all of your problems or anything like that.
High school was a steaming pile of dogshit. Except maybe for a few classes and teachers, who were pretty cool. There were the subjects I didn’t care about, the pop quizzes that instilled in me an unyielding fear of forgetting anything, the rigid structure of tests and the absolute bullshit of ACTs and SATs and other things that only exist so bureaucrats can point to the accomplishments of their lackeys as their own. It was just awful. And it’s not like I have the answer of how to fix everything – I don’t – only that I think my life would have been much better if I had learned early on that none of it actually mattered.
My high school had this thing about “perfect attendance” where if you had “perfect attendance” for the entire year, your name was entered into a drawing for a new car. I think I made the cut freshman and sophomore year? I would think the free car wouldn’t go to the younger students, but I don’t remember the details. Anyway, this one guy in several of my classes won it, and he and his family immediately sold it for college money, ha! Smart. But if you were sick and missed a day? Get fucked. Had a bad family life and needed to skip a class or two for your mental health? Disqualified, get fucked. Needed to attend to an elderly family member? Doesn’t matter, get fucked. We teach our kids the worst things in this world. Don’t question the system, just do as it says!
I skipped a lot in college. I’m not particularly proud of this, but I was sure burnt out on school. I still finished with over a 3.5 GPA. Get fucked, system. [Granted, it’d have been totally different if I had done a STEM degree, but still]
And it’s not because our systems are inherently evil, they are just inherently controlled by special interests. Like I said, I’ve noticed that friends who did really well in school are often quick to defend it. It makes sense. But so, so many people do not fit into the mold well, and their experiences deserve to be heard. Their experiences bear some weight.
I’ve started testing the waters of employment, but it’s much more intimidating than I expected. If I just went right back into software, I’d probably have a job by now, but I think this career shift needs to happen. Every time I log in to LinkedIn, I throw up a little inside as I watch all of these people pandering to the world of employment with their “professional” language and these absurd, clownish titles designed to promote how passionate and productive they are. You’d think these peoples’ families were pretty low on the totem pole the way they talk about how much they love hard work, but then it’s also popular to “support” posts about work-life balance (because “liking” something doesn’t sound professional, I guess). You must be excited about all the opportunities to support solutions!
…and if you don’t, you’re a sad, sad person who just doesn’t appreciate the virtues of hard work and professionalism!
One of my greatest frustrations with the working world is how everyone panders to personal growth, but at every software job I’ve had, the true opportunities for growth shrivel up around the 2 year mark. That’s when you get stuck in the routine, doing the tasks the company needs you to do, and while it makes sense that that’s ultimately all they care about, it has always left me wondering, “Wasn’t there supposed to be more, here? Wasn’t there a greater promise that’s been betrayed? What happened to all the learning I was supposed to do?”
Get fucked, kid. Nobody cares. The system is supreme! You are the one who is wrong.
It’s not that I don’t want to do quality work, it’s not that I don’t care at all. It’s just that I am so willing and capable of learning, but the opportunities are never there. I’m not passionate about “solutions”, I just want to have a job I enjoy and hopefully help others along the way. I don’t want to pretend that my resume is my life. And the overemphasis on hard work has destroyed so many lives, so many families, so many marriages, so many friendships. “Don’t question the system! Hard work is its own reward!”
I don’t know where any of this is going, but if I sounds like I’m being too negative, I write all this just to get it off my chest. It’s a reminder to me to not buy into this system, but to buy into something better. Something more balanced and authentic. Something that doesn’t pander for the sake of appearances. Something that doesn’t cause me to hate myself, but rather to embrace myself despite the false messages about everything I should care about. And ultimately, it’s a reminder that life doesn’t have to be like this, that you can take an alternative path and escape all of this garbage, if only you are willing to put a little strategy into things.
Daily I live with the uncertainty of the future, and there may be boxes I need to check to get a job that leads me on the right path. But I also don’t have to take it on the chin and pander to everything the world says I need. As I’ve expressed in other posts, if I had listened to my gut long ago, I could be so much farther than I am now. My God is a big God and a lot of things could turn up at the right time, in the right place.